you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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