If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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