Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
