Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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