Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
