i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
