I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
