she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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