Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
