U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
