Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
