Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
