Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are my eyebrows?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
