Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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