I seem to have left my pride at pride
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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