So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize