just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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