My friends, they love my intelligence
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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