things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's like iHOP with fire
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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