I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
