Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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