Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
