Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A bitchslap is in order.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
