blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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