I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize