u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
