She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
