Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
