i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
