Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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