we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
