his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
