Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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