Kiss
Puke
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
