i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
