im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
