I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
