you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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