she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's always time for handjobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
