I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
