your parents love me but you hate me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
