What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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