I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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