idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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