then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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