i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
