tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
