just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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