I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
