oh god the rape fog is back!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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