I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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