new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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