hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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