I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
