just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
