i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
