Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
