So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
