There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
