he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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