And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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