once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
