he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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