Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
