It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
