I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
