Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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