I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
