My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just pee around me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
