Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
