Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
