ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
