So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
