that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
