I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
