Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize