the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
