I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
