i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
