I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
