you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
