so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
