"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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