I must be too annoying 4 u.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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