Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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