If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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