Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
