now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
