I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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